The Housesitting Happenings

“It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line.” Ashleigh Brilliant

This could have been a quote by my friend Anri-Louise, except that she actually does take problems in her stride no matter how they line up or attack her all at once. I have never met anyone who has as many bizarre things happen to them as she does, and I have tried to document some of the more humorous stories previously. The other day someone told me she would read my blog more regularly if I wrote more about Anri. (Hello! What does that say about my material?!?)

Anri-Louise shares a house with one of the other teachers at our school, and so, when asked if she would house-sit for a family in the church she jumped at it – six weeks to refresh and breathe and lounge around in a real garden with real live plants. Her directions to me on how to find the place were as follows: “After the Toyota garage turn left. Then turn right into the second road. The first road isn’t really a road, but it looks like one. Once in the second road, travel until you see my house – the second green gate on the left.” I followed her directions pretty well, but was stumped by “the second green gate.” I drove up and down, turned around, asked people for the “vazaha”, all to no avail. It turns out the gate was red. And she isn’t even colour blind…

Her stay itself was also not without event. On the first morning she was startled awake by the naughtier dog of the two standing over her on the bed, peering through the mosquito net (literally through a hole it had chewed, with its snout inches from her face as if to say, “Wake up strange person, and give me some ATTENTION!”) The other dog, deprived of constant input (this is a family with children and a stay-at-home mom) acted out its insecurities and neuroses by going on a hunger and water strike.  Anri, now neurotic herself, set her alarm bi-hourly to check whether the confounded mutt would make it through the night.

The obsessive compulsive cat refuses to eat on its own too. In fact, it refuses to eat from its own dish, and even stole some courgettes (of all things) from Anri’s plate before she could stop it. The bath shocks one if one forgets to unplug the geyser first... but that is at least controllable.

A few days after arriving, Anri was sitting quietly in the lounge when the television emitted a loud blue flash, followed by an explosion of fireworks throughout the house – the electricity company had quite randomly pumped over 400 volts through the neighbourhood, frying anything electrical and popping light bulbs. The Internet was out, the TV was fried, and the only part of the fridge that cooled anything below room temperature was the deepfreeze. A fridge repairman was called out, and brilliantly managed to turn the cool box into an oven. The following morning Anri walked in to more-than-whiffy meat and a pool of butter escaping across the floor.

The joys of house-sitting! But at least all of the animals and Anri are still alive, and the garden has not been swallowed up by a giant sink-hole… Stay tuned – I’m sure there will be more Anri stories to follow!