Zoë Life

The lively one

By now many of my regular readers will be well-acquainted with the Midgley family in Madagascar, and their kids in particular. The eldest, and most outspoken of them is Andrew, who was born way back (for him anyway) in 1999. In the same year some mutual friends, the Deans, who now reside in a tiny backwoods, backward place called Springs, in South Africa, had a little girl by the name of Zoë, which apparently means "Life" in Greek... She suffers from verbal diarrhoea (she even talks in her sleep) but has nevertheless brought much vitality into everyone's lives that she has touched. 

She's always been "different" to the norm, but then, the whole family is. Here are some of the things that make her so bizarre, so not-so-sane-in-Springs...

She says she's "biwingual" - she speaks English and Afrikaans.  A few weeks ago she bought a packet of fizz-pops candy with two flavours in one packet. "Hey, it's a biwingual packet of candy!" she said. She calls feathers "bird leaves"; only found out last year that she lives in South Africa, and not the USA; thinks that all meat is chicken and calls her fringe (bangs) her sideburns.

But the most delightful thing about Zoë is that for years she has told me that if I never manage to find a wife that she'll marry me one day "if she has to". Her older sister, the one with a black cat attached to her shoulder like a character from "the Addams Family", told me today that it is looking increasingly probable, despite their every attempt to "set me up".

Donos: Kind of like Dodos, but not extinct

Little alien at the front door

This post focuses on Evan, the little alien four-year-old from wherever he feels like being on a particular day. He's at the age where everything needs to be contrary to others. So, I hear these kinds of things coming out of his mouth:

Him, sitting with a biscuit in his hand: "Mommy can I please have a biscuit?"

His Mom: "No, you've still got one in your hand!"

Him: "No I don't!" (Not even trying to conceal it)

His dad to him on the front porch: "Evan, watch out for the braai (barbecue) behind you. It's really hot!"

Half turning to face his dad he replies: "It's not behind me, it's next to me!"

The other morning, he was running around the house shouting: "I'm a Dono, I'm a Dono." His mother asked if he didn't mean a Dodo? "No," he replied, "A Dono - it's like a Dodo, but faster." (And less extinct, clearly)

Heard yesterday:

Evan: "Daddy?!?"

An older brother: "He's in the toy room, Evan."

(After checking) Evan: "No he isn't. The chair is all alone in there."

And finally, two funny little ones ... Yesterday morning, all the boys were making names and characters for themselves, and Evan (the youngest of the five brothers), at the end of his creativity and very upset asked, "But what can I be?!?"

"Why not be Numbnuts the baby Husky?" suggested his dad. Fortunately they don't have many visitors to their home, because every time anyone arrived our little alien would bound up to them and say, "I'm Numbnuts, I'm Numbnuts!" It took his dad a while to convince him that it wasn't the most affirming name in the world, and that he should seek another. I thought it sounded like the perfect name for a little Husky that keeps running into inanimate objects!

South Africa has a breakfast cereal brand called Weet-Bix. This morning Evan asked to have "Wheat pups" for breakfast. That just sounds wrong - like hot dogs...

And that's that for the day. If I don't run into you again soon, have a hilarious weekend, and to help, why not run across to Laugh with us Blog where Esther shares an incomprehensible thing her daughter said, that actually makes a lot of sense!

Evan on his pushbike

The toothpaste called peristalsis

I've mentioned before how much I enjoy the Grade Three class this year - their innocence, their delight in learning and just watching them grow, mature and develop keen senses of humour as the year has progressed. Yes, I have my favourites - one is allowed favourites isn't one?

Recently they wrote a test on the digestive system. These were just a couple of their answers:

1. Another name for urine is Wii (In South Africa we say wee. I'm not sure about the term in the rest of the world. But I do feel sorry for that child if (s)he actually has a Nintendo. (S)he'd be thinking every time turning it on, "Hey, this is another name for urine. Eeeeeuwwwwhhhh!)
2. Faeces leave the body by way of the buttocks. (Now, that's just plain funny. Another one said they leave the body by way of the toilet... That shows creativit thinking, when you haven't studied!)
3. Definition of the digestive system: “How the food goes to my bum.” (Well, it may not be technically correct, but it is correct isn't it?)
4. And finally... Peristalsis is: a kind of toothpaste. (Because their teacher used a toothpaste tube to demonstrate how peristalsis works in the intestines. This child could be found shopping with her mother and saying, "Mom, could we buy the 'Peristalsis' brand? My teacher told me about it at school!"

I think in pictures, so this is all I could deal with! Have an excellent day, night, or whatever it is in your part of the world...

Evan says

Evan's take on Moses' famous statement to Pharaoh in the Old Testament: "LET MY PEOPLE GLOW." Sounds like a funky revivalist meeting in Chernobyl.

Then from the boys' bedroom sometime this week: 

“Ow! Evan! Watch. Where. You. Stand.!”

 “Ow Jem! Watch. Where. You. Hit!”

And finally, any regular reader knows Evan has been saying for a while now that he is going to be a pineapple when he grows up: He walked into his parents' room a few mornings ago and matter-of-factly announced that he actually wouldn't be a pineapple when he gets older. His mom thought it was probably because he had finally realised that little boys just become men. 

But no. His first reason? "Because there isn't enough orange paint to make me the right colour." 

The second reason? "Because I'm not juicy enough on the inside."

Bologna Boy

Bologna Boy

Sitting at the dinner table two nights ago, four-year-old Evan looked across at his mother and asked, "Mommy, when we move to our new house next month, please can I change my name?"

"Sure," she said, "What do you want to be called?"

"Bologna!"

Like I've said before, I don't know where he comes from!

And then yesterday he called me over to ask if I would take a photo of him as a pineapple. The picture below is exactly that - Evan the Pineapple. Apparently a pineapple sticks its tongue out - probably to scare people into not cutting it up and eating it ...

Pineapple boy with attitude

The brothers pretending to be Evan, pretending to be a pineapple: Oldest Pineapple, Duck Pineapple, Pineapple-gone-bad, Model Pineapple and Sleepy Pineapple

Adults can be so silly sometimes

Battle-ready 2, originally uploaded by Robin.

This evening at the dinner table Evan asked me to help him with something, and when I was done his mother asked if he had thanked me. "Thank you," he replied obediently, to which I asked, "Thank you who?"

"Uncle Rob!?!" was his quizzical response, as if saying to me, "Hold on, surely you know your name by now! Why do you need a 4-year-old to remind you?"

After supper, while checking her mail, his mother clicked on a You Tube video link and then clicked several times on the video itself as it was opening. (Our Internet is incredibly slow here in Madagascar.) "It's a video, Mommy. You've got to wait for it to load before you can watch it," was his sage advice.

"Old people. They're so silly sometimes."

Pineapple-boy strikes again

Sue, praising Evan about something, called him a hero.
Most indignant at his mother's slur, he replied, "I'm not a hero! I'm a PINEAPPLE!" 

For context see my previous post "Pineapple-Boy"

Pineapple-boy

The 4-year-old pineapple doing his duck face. 

At supper tonight, out of the blue -

Evan: When I'm a grown up I know how you can make me into a pineapple. You can paint me orange and yellow all over, except for my eyes, my face and the tip of my nose.

His brothers: But how will you make the leaves on top?

His mom: We'll grow your hair long, I'll dye it green  and we can gel it into spikes.

Evan: Yes, and then you can stick all the spiky, thorny things all over me too.
_____________

When out swimming with his family: Look, I'm going to be a normal person like a chicken. Cluck, cluck cluck ... Man / chicken / man ... What's the difference anyway?

Drama queen (at heart)

Click on the picture for a better view of the expressions! I wish I had one of her crying - now that's a sight!

Holed up in the beach house, while waiting for the weather to clear, I had my drama-queen niece to keep me entertained and on my toes. Out of the blue she'll exclaim, "Holy macaroni", or point at a programme on TV and say, "Whoa! That girl is really hot!" Clearly she has a 13-year-old brother and is still at an impressionable age. 

The other day, while driving with her mom, and with no warning, she suddenly started crying - the tears literally jumping out of her eyes. Why? Because of her arms. "No one will ever love me and want to marry me with such hairy arms," she wailed. This blonde 5-year-old wears her feelings on her sleeve, is definitely a handful, but is at least living life large.

I don't know what career path she'll take one day, but something tells me she won't be an accountant, librarian or civil servant...

Read it and weep

I love how one can play with words. They are just so powerful - able to invoke laughter, tears and a myriad of other emotions. And even when one doesn't know what one's doing they can still be funny. Like these sentences from some of my students' spelling tests: 

"I have something in my nose. I guess I have a nuzzle problem".  (Too true – it’s just so inappropriate to nuzzle while you have something up your nose!)

"I am limping because my uncle is sore". (That’s so sweet of you ... sounds like you have strong sympathy for your debilitated uncle. How’s your ankle doing, if I may ask?)

"I was nuzzling the English test".  (That’s just plain weird. But I’m sure the English test enjoyed the attention).

"She nullified her doctor’s appointment because she didn’t want to take her teeth out yet". (I don’t blame her – after all, why go all the way to the doctor if you can just take your teeth out at home?)

"They are going to harangue the picture until it looks better". (Arrange or enhance, perhaps? If I were the picture I would also try to look better as quickly as possible for fear of all the haranguing.)

"The woman’s hair was bellowing so gracefully that my heart skipped a beat".  (That’s some attractively loud hair you’ve got there Miss Jones... It has a kind of agitated-bovine-feel to it, and yet ... at the same time ... very svelte.)

"Mr Robin was a harbinger of haranguing to the Grade 8s". (Wow! That sounds serious. I'd invest in some ear plugs if I were in Grade 8.)

"Mr Robin has a large, rounded girth, which is why he wears loose clothes".  (Oh no, she found me out. And there I thought I was being subtle about my clothing choice.)

Oh, the first ones I posted, almost a month ago, are at my blog post "I try to take one day at a time..."

My kind of friends

An incident with an ice cream

Last night I didn't sleep much - firstly, the cockroaches were restless and I had images of them rising up against me to get the house all to themselves. They aren't called "Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches" for nothing - these are the noisiest bugs I've ever come across. Finally I figured out how to keep them at bay, and quiet: with insect spray and sleeping with a light on, because they are apparently averse to both. 

Then secondly, after being asleep for way too short a time, I was awakened by the most horrific nightmare. In it I was running through a library being chased by a fat clown with a hideous laugh. For some or other reason I had a handgun, which I used to shoot him, but it was as useful as a pop gun. Finally I pulled a shelf of books down on him. But he was rescued by a ringmaster-looking gentleman in a suit and top hat and the frantic escape continued, this time sans pea shooter. 

I tried to figure out what it meant but all I've come up with so far is that this place is a circus and is trying to kill me! Or maybe I've been playing too much Call of Duty and watching the wrong genre of movie before bedtime...

The compliments and quotes were flying thick and fast today from the Midgley boys in the pic below ... They may need lessons on encouragement:

"Uncle Rob, did you ever publish that really badly written comment on your blog - the one with the terrible spelling?"

"Yes"

"Aw, now everyone will know what kind of friends you have!"

______________

"Mommy, you look really ugly on Wii"

______________

Midgley # 5, starting to cry after being sent to his room for hitting his brother:

"Am I going to get a hiding?"

"Yes"

"But I'm already crying..."

______________

"Auntie Anri, we made you a wii girl. She's thiiiiis fat and has a pig-looking nose".

Appreciate me now and avoid the rush

The Midgleys at breakfast

The Americans have just enjoyed Thanksgiving, Christmas is around the corner, and today I turned 41 - an equally momentous day (for me, anyway).

The day started with a lack of water at home (which is now quite normal for a weekend morning), but it definitely picked up from there! First was a spread-and-a-half for breakfast, then loads of "Call of Duty" deaths, several phone calls and SMSes from South Africa, wrestling with the boys, taking photos, and at the end of the day a most phenomenal supper - roast leg of lamb and (my favourite) Pavlova pudding. Whatever benefits I've gained from all the cycling recently were instantly wiped away!

But the cherry on top was that Anri Louise, long-lost compatriot from South Africa, chose to return to Madagascar today, replete with presents for moi - biltong, nuts, chocolate ... and more. (Biltong, to explain to non-South Africans, is an SA speciality similar to beef jerky, but just on a much more heavenly plain.) I felt most blessed and spoilt by the Midgleys, who have so graciously adopted me, as well as all my other friends and family!

Along with the amazing meals, and the unexpected gifts, I was also showered with "compliments" from the Midgley boys.

Justin: Uncle Rob, you're really interesting and intelligent. I listen so hard to you speaking and then when you're finished I realise I wasn't actually listening and I didn't understand anything you said.

Jeremy and Andrew: We created a wii mii (the little characters for Nintendo wii) that looks just like you! (He was overweight, balding and wore a permanent scowl) ... Thanks boys!

Reece:  HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (Then, quieter in the next room) There, Mommy, I said it, okay! And later: Uncle Rob, you really don't look that old!

Midgley # 1, Midgley # 2 and mii ...

Anri, 2 boys, a Pavlova and two parents. Don't you just love the shock and horror on Reece's face?

And yes, the title of this post is once again a quote from Ashleigh Brilliant.