Last Christmas I gave you my heart ...

Many times I have been asked by young and old why I, at age 41, am not married. Part of the problem I have already explained in this blog post about my social failings, but one of the other reasons I suspect (and which has been confirmed by my friends, who have mocked me repeatedly and viciously about it) is my infamous “Music Mix”.

I always believed that girls wanted romance and to be pursued, and what better way to show one’s feelings than a carefully thought-out “mixed tape” or “Mixed CD”, as it has become. It’s sweet, it’s sentimental, it’s personal, and it’s a gift that “keeps on a-givin”. And because words don’t come easy to me, what better way to say “I love you.”

In the early years there was huge effort involved working with cassettes. Ladies want quality time, and I have spent much of that on my own compiling the perfect mix, which, when I was young and stupid was anything but perfect. My music of choice probably drove the lasses into a sickening spiral of depression, but I have since changed what I listen to and learnt a thing or two – now throwing in a good blend of soppy and sentimental, humorous, classical and jazz.

Unfortunately I don’t really listen to lyrics, and only know the first line of most songs – and so I go for the “feel” of the music, something Esther (a fellow blogger) has pointed out may not help with the opposite sex... Also, unfortunately, most people take a while to understand my sense of humour. As the special mix is created at the embryonic stage of a relationship, the young lady is usually still trying to figure out what I’m on about on a normal day, which leaves her scratching her head at the aptness of Eggplant by Michael Franks, Be Mine by The Grits, or Grow old together by Adam Sandler (from the movie The Wedding Singer). Or what on earth Paolo Conte and Charles Aznavour are crooning in their strange accents...

The last mixed CD I made had two very distinct responses from the lady – the immediate one being, “Oh, that’s so sweet, I feel so special,” quickly followed by the furious clatter of footsteps receding into the distance as she realised that this meant the relationship had gone to a terrifying level involving vertigo and nausea.

But, realistically, I’m too old to do love mixes any longer. It’s time to move on to something much more satisfying – the “break-up mix.” I could include songs as a form of torture, like that 80’s horror that just goes round and round and round one’s head, I should have known better by Jim Diamond; one of my all-time favourites Somebody Kill Me (also from The Wedding Singer); and just to rub it in, the Gloria Gaynor classic I will survive ...

I don’t think I’ll be needing it any time soon, so any suggestions are welcome!

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P.S. No former girlfriends were harmed in the writing of this blog.